I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
