He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
