I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
