operation have a gay friend backfired
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
