just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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