I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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