In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
