1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How external is "for external use only"?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize