You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
