I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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