I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
