It's Friday. Sex?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
