My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
