From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
