Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize