We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
