I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
