why didn't you poke me back
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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