Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize