Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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