i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
