we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
