Will you blow on my dice?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
