So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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