Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
