my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You pole danced in your parka.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
