walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
