when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
