but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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