Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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