Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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