The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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