I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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