He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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