I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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