you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
