new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
