Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
