You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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