I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
