I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
