It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
