a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
They have beer where we have blood.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
