I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
