You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
