I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
