Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
