Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
dude i'm inner monologue high
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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