Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
