Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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