Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
