Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
