my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
