Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
