I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he thought i was a dude.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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