if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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