East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
