he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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