his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
