Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
